From Good Morning to Pressure Cooker Morning.
Every household has a Morning Raga. The Raga of snooze Alarms, Frequent TingTong Doorbells and the Pressure Cooker Whistles. The Morning Raga also comes with the flavors of fresh Coffee/Tea and the crisp newspaper.
The Parenting Mornings are a bit different. The Morning Raga is loud and fast – a DJ effect!!!!
It is an orchestra and the Concert Master is the child. The concert Master starts the Orchestra by tossing on the bed and refusing to get up. The musicians (parents) start the music – “Get up…..It is getting late. You have to get ready.”
The Wake Up song.
The DJ parent mornings also has role play. The parents enact the roles of a snooze alarm and Pressure Cooker.
If the child has to get up at 6.30, the parent snooze alarm will start at 6. With each snooze the parent also becomes the Pressure Cooker. Three whistles, if the child wakes up, (gas switched off) the Pressure Cooker cools down. If gas not switched off after 3 Whistles, the Pressure Cooker bursts and the chaotic morning starts and one more musician joins the band….the child!!!!
The DJ Morning parenting rocks with the “Wake Up ” song……..
The “Wake Up Song” is followed by the “Brush your Teeth ” song. This song is very interesting!!!!!!!
The Chorus Singers(Parents) repeat their lines again and again and the main singer(The Child) is singing a different song!!!
The Chorus Singers repeat their lines – “Brush your Teeth”‘ “Brush your Teeth”…..but the main singer is singing in a different pitch and a different song.
The chorus singers improvise _
“You are my Darling, Please….
If you don’t….
No TV……
I will write a note……
Finally the Chorus Singers stop their chorus and huffs and puffs and finally the “Brush Your Teeth” song ends.
The Morning parenting has to be soothing and refreshing. Every parent wants that, but how to make a child understand? It is time to move the focus from the questions to the solutions. It starts with observations and ends with a decisive plan of action.
Let us take the example of not Brushing the Teeth-
Observe
- How long has the child been throwing a tantrum for not brushing the Teeth?
- What has been the outcome every time?
- How have you dealt with the situation – Your words, expressions and Thoughts.
- Do you believe the child will automatically outgrow this tantrum?
- Are you fine with continuing this pattern?
- Do you believe there is no other option?
1. The child has learnt this behavior through Repetitions.
2. The child has to learn to follow instructions and accept “Rules of the House”.
3.If the tantrum is not corrected, it will reflect on the child’s personality development.
4. Tantrums can be corrected. Learning process is same for good and bad behavior.
5. Consistent repetitions is the basis for learning.
6. We can change our words and actions to break the existing pattern of defiance.
4. Remember Your words= Your Actions. If you say, “Brush your Teeth”, the child has to brush the teeth. If you know your child will not respond to that, change your words – It is Brushing Time. Then if you take the child to the bathroom or brush the teeth – Your Words = Your Actions.
5. A child always seeks attention. Now it is getting attention through misbehavior. So, ignore the misbehavior, and appreciate when the child behaves. Appreciation through words and gestures is more than enough- ” Brushing Time finished at the right time, You can do it.” Give a high Five, a small pat on the back or a Thumbs Up. Most important – Smile.
6. Both the parents should be a team and follow the same Action Plan.
7. Be calm, firm and confident. A child learns how to react or respond from a parent.
Parenting should be stress free and happy.
It is a shift from “Immediate Action” to “Observe, Understand, Action”.
Smiles and Anger – both are contagious. We have the power to choose.
Ashwin Mohan
Uma Jairam
svidya.m70
Vennila Sathyamoorthi
svidya.m70