Why , How??????
My child is very stubborn!!!!
How to make my child understand ???
He/she doesn’t realize I want the best for him/her????
Why is my child stubborn???
How to handle stubbornness????
This question takes us back to our childhood -The Moral Stories!!!!!!
The Monkey and the Cap-seller is an all time favorite among the stories we grew up listening to.
We enjoyed the part where the monkey holds on to the cap and climbs to the topmost branch of the tree and the cap seller tries every trick from bribing to threatening the monkey with a stone.
The Monkey knew what it wanted and how tight to hold on to its cap. The monkey was a star till the climax of the story.
Not even in our wildest dreams we would have thought this story would come back to us as parents and we will go through the same feelings as the cap seller…..and now we don’t enjoy when our child just like the monkey in the story holds onto its demands and refuses to melow down!!!!
Let us go back to our Moral Story and remember the climax!!!
The cap seller understood the nature of the Monkey – It copies or imitates. So the cap seller threw the cap he had and the monkey did the same!!!
Why is my child Stubborn??
The first step is to understand the Cause.
Three factors contribute to stubbornness.
Comfort Zone
Survival
Happiness
So how do Parents deal with stubbornness?
- Maintain the balance between Ignoring the misbehavior, Giving attention to the child and saying No to unfair demands.
- Use constructive distractions – Remember to use the word “WE” – For example, We will finish studies/dinner/brushing, and then you can……
- Give real experiences to your child – For example, the child should see how you are assertive and not stubborn.
- Repeat what the child has to do and not what happened already.
- Choose your words consciously – We agreed ………………( Refer to Rule of the House). Let us stick to our plan. This (the situaton) is not acceptable.
- Begin with the end in mind. Observe the previous pattern and plan backwards – What do I do when my child reacts like this? Am I ready for the outburst? What is my plan incase the child crosses the limit?
- Always remember – The child is not stubborn. The child has learnt to be stubborn. There is a huge difference in both!!
Sudha