An unanswered question for many parents.
How does a child learn anger?
A child is not born angry. From experiences, it learns anger is a resource to get what it wants. No parent would consciously give an experience to a child that would teach the child wrong things. Still the child learns !!! How, where and when??
Behavior is an overt expression of emotions. Emotions stem from comfort or discomfort of the body or mind. We touch something hot, we move our hand immediately, this is reflex action which is associated to the discomfort of the body. As the child grows the child learns language and then the mind starts its work. The reflex action of the mind also starts working.
- One of the reflex actions of the mind is anger.
- Reflex actions are not the beginning, they are the end results.
- Reflex actions happen because of discomfort to the body or mind.
- The beginning of the reflex action is the discomfort.
- The reflex action stops when we understand, accept and adjust to discomfort.
- Anger starts from the thought – I am not comfortable.
- Anger becomes a habit through repetitions of anger outbursts whenever there is discomfort of body or mind.
Anger is just a learnt habit. The child learns the pattern directly or indirectly from the parents. A parent cannot remove the triggers. A parent can change the equation –
Misbehavior not equal to getting what you want.
Anger should not get what it wants.